Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Precious Time

8 Ramadhan, 1445

06.23

Thought I'd write something early today, since there'll be precious little time for writing anything else until the very latest part of what is set to be a long and trying eighth day of fasting. Still a reminder that any time, all time, needs to be made precious.

Monday, March 18, 2024

Within Limits

7 Ramadhan, 1445

By definition this is a period in which one has to work within constraints. It's interesting testing oneself against those limits. Even passing the test involves the realisation of how limited oneself is, also by definition.

Yes, it was one of those days. And tomorrow looks set to be another. Ho hum.

Sunday, March 17, 2024

Early Doors

6 Ramadhan, 1445

Switch of strategy today. I was a bit annoyed with myself for not getting to the gym yesterday, but well aware that it was sensible not to expect too much of my back given just how cranky it was. Today I thought there was a definite improvement and was so keen on trying it out I went for my workout in the hour immediately before breaking the fast. I've been half-intending to see what it's like to exercise at the end of a stretch of fasting and now I know the answer.

It's not too bad at all. And it means you don't have to drag yourself out after breaking the fast when all your instincts are telling you to simply chill. Might just try this again.

Saturday, March 16, 2024

Not At Ease

5 Ramadhan, 1445

Felt mildly uncomfortable all day, mainly due to a cranky back. Found myself feeling distinctly irritated five or six times over the fact I was fasting, as if having a cup of tea would be the answer to my woes. By the actual breaking of the fast I'd generated more of an aching head than anything I'd experienced on the first days of fasting, largely due, I suspect, to simple irritation.

All this is a reminder, not so much of how difficult observing the fast is, but of how weak I can be when something doesn't quite go in the direction I want it to. Sort of petty. Certainly not pretty.

By the way, now the fast for the day is officially over my equanimity has been not so mysteriously restored.

Friday, March 15, 2024

Strong Stuff

4 Ramadhan, 1445

Gosh, Gai Eaton really doesn't take any prisoners in his highly punctilious Islam and the Destiny of Man. It makes for bracing reading in the Holy Month, as a reminder that sometimes achieving holiness/wholeness requires a distinct toughness of mind & spirit. When I first read his exploration of what it is to be a Muslim some twenty years ago, in the early years of my own intense encounter with the faith, I spent a good deal of time nodding in recognition at the clarity of particular insights which seemed a good deal clearer than my own happily muddied thinking. And the same is true today.

Except that I now find myself nodding over entire chapters which seem remarkably prescient as we negotiate the ups and downs of the twenty-first century. The first chapter, Islam and Europe, manages in just a few pages to encapsulate a way of looking at European history that helps explain Western civilisation's encounter(s) with an Other with which it has been unable to come to terms for the best part of a millennium. Once you become aware of the long view the deficiencies of a secular view of history appear so obvious as to almost painful in their naivety. 

Of course, we're talking generalisations here. Big ones. But hugely illuminating. 

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Still Getting On With It

3 Ramadhan, 1445

16.40

Not an easy day so far, due in no small part to a particularly cranky back. I would have preferred to just lie down and think great thoughts, but that wasn't an option on my pressing to-do list.

21.50

Rather pleased with myself for getting to the gym after breaking the fast. All oddly reminiscent of the same time in Ramadhan last year. The same reluctance; the same sluggishness. The same lessons to learn since I've managed to unlearn them.

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Getting On With It

2 Ramadhan, 1445

16.18

It's been a sunny day and I got to enjoy the warmth of it all this morning, which means I'm feeling a bit drained now. But there's lots to do in terms of the Toad, Work, so there's no point wasting time complaining. It's a matter of just getting on with things.

20.00

And I did get on with things, and am still doing so. Though, I have to confess, I've given myself a few bits of relaxing time in between. And breaking the fast was sensationally relaxing in itself, which it usually is. That's one of the oddities of Fasting Month. Everyday features a major highlight.

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Easing In

1 Ramadhan, 1445

14.35

Generally easy day so far. Achieved a good deal of dozing in the morning, though now stirring myself to some kind of action. But gently so.

18.55

More napping just now. Muggy-headed, but not a sharply aching head - so not too bad for the first day. Looking forward to that first sip of water, I must say. And the teh tarik!

20.05

Fully restored, and hoping that all who have fasted this first day feel the same way. Selamat berpuasa!

Monday, March 11, 2024

Something Precious

Moving into gear for the test ahead. But I won't be ready. I never am. 

The readiness comes from the actual doing. Or not doing, if you see what I mean. How do you prepare for a time that deliberately mingles deprivation and abundance? Two sides of a single precious coin.

Sunday, March 10, 2024

Not Worth It

Decided a week or so ago to put the great Robert Lowell read-through to one side during the Fasting Month. But ahead of the hiatus I've been trying to press on and am now well into his sonnet collection The Dolphin based on the breakdown of his second marriage to the Lizzie of For Lizzie and Harriet. Have enjoyed both of these books more than the sonnets in History, but none of this later poetry matches the brilliance of his earlier work for this reader (and it seems this is the critical consensus.)

There are great lines everywhere, and the occasional gem-like sequence, but rarely anything close to a fully achieved poem. And it all seems so privately obsessive - even the more 'public' material in History. Though it's true that awareness of Lowell's fragile mental state goes a long way towards reading him in a forgiving mode.

But, to be honest, I don't trust him. You don't need great depth of insight to sense he's behaving very badly in the writing of The Dolphin - sacrificing those closest to him on the altar of his art. Including himself, I suppose. And behaving very badly as a husband and father.

I think the younger me may, at some point, have accepted the idea that great artists sometimes needed to behave badly. This is no longer the case.